Drinking Quotes

 

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

 

I have been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who get drunk.

Winston Churchill

 

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

Charlie Chaplin

 

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

Shirley MacLaine

 

When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.

Johnny Depp

 

An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.

Charles Darwin

 

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

Mitch Hedberg

 

Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.

Isaac Asimov

 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

 

I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

It is time to get drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk without stopping! On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish.

Charles Baudelaire

 

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Ray Bradbury

 

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.

Epictetus

 

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

William Butler Yeats

 

'My country, right or wrong' is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'

Gilbert K. Chesterton

 

Modern morality and manners suppress all natural instincts, keep people ignorant of the facts of nature and make them fighting drunk on bogey tales.

Aleister Crowley

 

Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.

Jim Carrey

 

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

Ozzy Osbourne

 

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

P. J. O'Rourke

 

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Ambrose Bierce

 

Grant stood by me when I was crazy, and I stood by him when he was drunk, and now we stand by each other.

William Tecumseh Sherman

 

It is the hour to be drunken! to escape being the martyred slaves of time, be ceaselessly drunk. On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish.

Charles Baudelaire

 

Nobody can write the life of a man but those who have eat and drunk and lived in social intercourse with him.

Samuel Johnson

 

What white man has ever seen me drunk? Who has ever come to me hungry and left me unfed? Who has seen me beat my wives or abuse my children? What law have I broken?

Sitting Bull

 

I might get drunk one day and fall in love or fall over a hooker outside, and I would have consummated a relationship that I couldn't necessarily believe in.

Oliver Reed

 

Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support, not illumination.

Vin Scully

 

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Henny Youngman

 

A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.

Lyndon B. Johnson

 

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

Demetri Martin

 

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Joe E. Lewis

 

Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk.

Tom Waits

 

All the mistakes I've ever made in my life have been when I've been drunk. I haven't made hardly any mistakes sober, ever, ever.

Tracey Emin

 

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

Gertrude Stein

 

Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift... The hangover comes the day after.

Joyce Brothers

 

When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through.

Jesse Jackson

 

A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender.

Jim Bishop

 

I don't drink. I choose to be sober now. I have drunk over the last six years, but I just don't want to be that person anymore.

Chester Bennington

 

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

Raymond Chandler

 

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.

Alben W. Barkley

 

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Joe E. Lewis

 

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Aziz Ansari

 

I'm not a fan of reality shows, but I am a fan of people who use their brains and skills and hard work to outsmart people, not to steal someone's man or get drunk on TV.

Sandra Bullock

 

I've been drinking tequila for a long time now, and it's never been about drinking to get drunk. I don't do that. I never drink tequila during the day, and I don't drive at night.

Sammy Hagar

 

I have never smoked and have always drunk a lot of water, but cleanse, tone and moisturise every day? No way!

Tori Amos

 

I was a savage for so many years of my life. There was some seed of determination in me that I was not conscious of. I was mostly consciously getting into trouble and drunk.

Daniel Day-Lewis

 

Me, I'd prefer to have a good reputation rather than getting press for being scandalous, getting drunk in public, staying out late and so on.

Sophia Bush

 

The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.

Michael Caine

 

Clubs are so lame. Nobody even dances at these clubs. They stand around and get drunk and they schmooze. There is no enjoyment factor.

Shia LaBeouf

 

Our hearts were drunk with a beauty Our eyes could never see.

George William Russell

 

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

Bette Midler

 

Sometimes when you're drunk you can see better.

Damien Hirst

 

Why do alcoholics begin down the same hazardous road day after day? They are in search of that elusive window of well-being that opens when you drink your way out of a hangover and aren't yet drunk all over again. The alcoholic's day consists of trying to keep that window open.

Roger Ebert

 

It's okay saying sorry, but when you are drunk you say what you really feel.

Vidal Sassoon

 

The man who gets drunk in peacetime is a coward. The man who gets drunk in wartime goes on being a coward.

Jose Bergamin

 

I mean, I don't think I'm alone when I look at the homeless person or the bum or the psychotic or the drunk or the drug addict or the criminal and see their baby pictures in my mind's eye. You don't think they were cute like every other baby?

Dustin Hoffman

 

I think getting drunk is the key to flying comfortably. A couple of bloody marys or several glasses of champagne, and suddenly it's like you're on a roller coaster.

Amanda Peet

 

Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it.

Hannah More

 

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Dave Attell

 

When we started I wasn't the singer. I was the drunk rhythm guitarist who wrote all these weird songs.

Robert Smith

 

I don't drink, and I don't smoke. It's a personal preference. My mom has never drunk or smoked. I look up to my mom.

Ashley Tisdale

 

To appear on the stage drunk, to have them leave there and remember me making drunken mistakes, that was death.

Sammy Davis, Jr.

 

I think if you're fame-hungry, go out to a nightclub and get drunk... why do that? I don't understand how some people would want fame so bad that they'd go out and get negative attention to earn it.

Zac Efron

 

I got drunk when I was five. Everybody gets drunk before they're 21.

Fiona Apple

 

Social topics may hit too close to home for people, but then again, if you pull a heartstring, then that's what country music is. It's not just songs about getting drunk and leaving your girl.

Kenny Chesney

 

Bill Clinton sitting on Air Force One getting his hair cut while people around the country cooled their heels and waited for him, became a metaphor for a populist president who had gotten drunk with the perks of his own power and was sort of, you know, not sensitive to what people wanted.

Dee Dee Myers

 

Love, with very young people, is a heartless business. We drink at that age from thirst, or to get drunk; it is only later in life that we occupy ourselves with the individuality of our wine.

Isak Dinesen

 

I'm not a drunk anymore, but since they cut out my tongue, I sound drunk.

Eddie Van Halen

 

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

Thomas Love Peacock

 

When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.

Richard Burton

 

We agreed to do it when I was drunk at his house one night, then on the day I had to have four large brandies - they didn't touch the sides at all. People just got on with it though. It didn't gather a crowd!

Daniel Craig

 

Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.

Ada Louise Huxtable

 

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

John Huston

 

Unfortunately, a lot of people are stupid. They take drugs. They get drunk and do all the wrong things in life. I just played it straight.

Bobby Vinton

 

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

George Gobel

 

Lived, Town

 

I have a responsibility, and it's something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost a loved one from drunk driving I would.

Nicole Richie

 

The sky was falling down on me and I spent most of the time drunk. It was the only way I could handle it.

David Millar

 

When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him.

Craig Ferguson

 

I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.

Dylan Moran

 

There's a joke in economics about the drunk who loses his keys in the street but only looks for them under the lightposts. When asked why, he says, 'because that's where the light is.' That's the problem with the deficit.

Christina Romer

 

I've been known to turn up drunk at triathlons and do very well. I'm more of a heat-of-the-moment type of guy. A friend will tell me about something coming up, maybe that weekend, and usually not an abundance of thought goes into my doing it.

Ryan Kwanten

 

Life on the road can get a little one-dimensional. I didn't want to reach 40 and have to say all I'd done was look out the window of a tour bus and get drunk.

Bruce Dickinson

 

When you're drunk, you always think you're not. If you even drink at all don't get behind the wheel.

Bam Margera

 

My feeling is, if you're going to be called a celebrity, you might as well use it for some good. It's better to testify for school lunches in front of Congress than get drunk in a bar somewhere and misbehave.

Tom Colicchio

 

Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.

Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

 

People always expect you to be jumping out of a Rolls Royce and being in the papers for drunk and disorderly or sleeping around.

Davy Jones

 

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

Gina Gershon

 

I've drunk Amazon's free Diet Coke. Nothing makes more sense to me than a company trying to make bookselling into a profitable business. I'm not anti-Amazon, and I'm not pro-publishers either. I'm pro-books.

Lev Grossman

 

I still party all the time and hang out with everyone who drinks, but I just don't personally, and don't really have the desire to get blitzed drunk any more.

Slash

 

So, after awhile, you can only get so much happiness from a guy who's drunk come up and tell you you're great.

Rick Derringer

 

Isn't there a danger with Tweeting, like drunk dialing? Isn't there a drunk Tweeting danger?

Julianna Margulies

 

If you wanted to show a mirror to people that says, 'You've been drunk on money,' they're not going to want to see it. But if you reflected that mirror on another time they'd be willing to. People will need an explanation of where we are and where we've been, and 'The Great Gatsby' can provide that explanation.

Baz Luhrmann

 

My voice? Yeah, well, I used to drink a lot of beer when I was a kid and I sounded like a drunk in a choir. I don't drink anymore.

Eric Burdon

 

It seems that whatever we do is somehow beyond reproach - murder, rape, drunk driving - as long as we go on a TV show and apologize.

Eric Stoltz

 

Many people have played themselves to death. Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death. Nobody ever thought himself to death.

Gilbert Highet

 

Sometimes if you get 'em too drunk they don't pay no attention to what you're doin' anyways, so you might as well just do old songs. But if you get one that's paying attention, sometimes we'll do some new material.

Merle Haggard

 

It's not a crime to get drunk.

Joe Bob Briggs

 

Peace was declared, but not all of us were drunk with joy or stricken blind.

George Grosz

 

I'm involved with Recording Artists and Actors Against Drunk Driving. I'm also involved with most children's causes, because children can't help the environment they're in.

Judd Nelson

 

Yeah, she was hitting me hard. She was drunk and she was hitting me hard.

David Gest

 

Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut.

Mark McKinney

 

It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don't forget things like that.

Jeffrey Bernard

 

Ever since the Greeks, we have been drunk with language! We have made a cage with words and shoved our God inside!

Morris West

 

After the crash happened, I was so humiliated and embarrassed. I thought of Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, that they must hate me.

Tracey Gold

 

I am the person who is a mother against drunk driver.

Tracey Gold

 

Only weeks after Oslo began, when nearly all the world and most of Israel was drunk with the idea of peace, I argued that a Palestinian society not constrained by democratic norms would be a fear society that would pose a grave threat to Israel.

Natan Sharansky

 

I don't want to be one of those people who falls out of cabs drunk. But I don't want to be known as some boring girl who just sits at home and doesn't do anything.

Pixie Lott

 

My schedule is completely different doing a play than it is doing a movie, and I actually think it's a much harder schedule because you've got to do it eight times a week and you've got to do it good eight times a week and with different kinds of audiences who are cold or drunk or tired, whatever it is.

Zoe Kazan

 

Through everything I've gone through- and I've been everywhere, at the top of the world, in jail, hung over drunk - I never gave up my dream of winning a gold medal in the Olympics.

Dan O'Brien

 

Everybody gets too drunk sometimes; and even if everybody didn't, I have gotten too drunk sometimes. I haven't hurt anybody. In Ireland we drink a lot. It's part of our culture. I like drinking. I don't think it's a bad thing.

Andrea Corr

 

If the world were a bar, America would currently be the angry drunk waving around a loaded gun. Yeah, the other people in the bar may be afraid of him, but they sure as hell don't respect him.

Wil Wheaton

 

Come, for my part I will have only those glorious, manly pleasures of being very drunk, and very slovenly.

William Wycherley

 

I began imagining scenes in public which some drunk would come up to me and slap me in the face. Nothing like that ever happened, but I often wonder if I would have turned the other cheek.

Max von Sydow

 

There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.

Jimmy Kimmel

 

Your life changes. Everything has to be done perfectly, and I didn't follow that. I lived my life as if I wasn't in the public eye. I thought, 'I'm young. I have the right to experience new things, and if I want to go to a bar and get drunk, that's my prerogative.'

Shannen Doherty

 

Getting stopped for drunk driving in those days might mean that your entire career was over then. Not today.

Mark Goddard

 

Well it's hard to remember who, but I drunk dial a lot.

Adam Garcia

 

I used to like whiskey. But it's been a long time since I've been drunk.

Claude Williams

 

I loved Jack Ford. I got him in his later days, and he was a total tyrant and a total autocrat and an Irish drunk. But I had a great time.

Richard Widmark

 

I'm like the drunk in the bar who wants just one more for the road.

Archie Moore

 

The film Punch - Drunk Love is how you see the world when you're in love. You don't see somebody's psychological baggage necessarily, you see the person walking out of the light.

Emily Watson

 

I do remember being in high school and trying to go to an Outlaws concert, but I was too drunk and ended up in trouble with the police at some truck stop on 95 in Connecticut.

Jim Coleman

 

I attended a very small junior high and specially in the end that became a disaster. The principal was pretty senile and a drunk, so the children more or less runned the school.

Jonathan Brandis

 

I was always playing the hard-bitten drunk.

Sally Kellerman

 

If you like to read, sometimes it's interesting just to go and see what the reality is, of the word, of the seedy or not so seedy fiction writer, the drunk or sober poet... Sometimes you can go looking for illumination.

Harold Brodkey

 

I met Jack Bruce, one of my heroes, in a studio while doing some recording. England had just beat Scotland in a big football match and I saw Jack trying to break into this refrigerator in the lounge, drunk out of his brain, and I didn't know what to say.

Andy Partridge

 

Because of the high altitude, you get drunk really fast. So everyone's drunk all the time.

Clea Duvall

 

Not every man remembers the name of the cow which supplied him with each drop of milk he has drunk.

Shmuel Yosef Agnon

 

He uses statistics like a drunk uses lamp-posts, more for support than illumination.

Romano Prodi

 

What, when drunk, one sees in other women, one sees in Garbo sober.

Kenneth Tynan

 

You can't trust a promise someone makes while they're drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office.

Joe Moore

 

The Orioles' Dick Hall comes off the mound like a drunk kangaroo on roller skates.

Joe Garagiola

 

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

Paul O'Grady

 

Yeah, that came out of a reading. It was great. It's such a fun crew to be with, and we all went out the night before and that really encouraged us to go out and get drunk.

John Leguizamo

 

Sometimes I get a little drunk, sometimes I get a little out of it, sometimes I get out of tune onstage, but that's something that shouldn't be dissected.

Stephen Stills

 

That incident ruined my reputation for 10 years. Get one Beatle drunk and look what happens!

Harry Nilsson

 

I get drunk writing words. I don't drink or do drugs, but I get so carried away with writing that I get inebriated from it.

John Shirley

 

Ray would be in trouble, he would get drunk, he would try and kill J.R on three different occasions, he would make mistakes with financial affairs, and have various human problems, but he didn't have any mean bones in his body! That was a little bit of what the show was about.

Steve Kanaly

 

Does my character hate Bree? Well, let's just put it this way. Bree hasn't seen the last of me. I gave that drunk gal a ride home a few episodes ago and she turned on me!

Alfre Woodard

 

There is a communion of more than our bodies when bread is broken and wine drunk.

M. F. K. Fisher

 

The last thing I stole was a box of Coca Cola from a parked truck in Adelaide. I was nice and drunk. It was New Year's Eve. And that was about 28 years ago.

Ronald Biggs

 

I try to make myself, and subsequently the audience, as uncomfortable as possible, whether it's completely desecrating a song they thought was one thing, or getting too drunk to really do a very good job.

J. Tillman

 

The fact that a player is very short of time is, to my mind, as little to be considered an excuse as, for instance, the statement of the law-breaker that he was drunk at the time he committed the crime.

Alexander Alekhine

 

I hate crowds of people pretending to be happy on one night of the year, where they get drunk and obnoxious by the end of the night.

Kenny Hickey

 

And we used to do a lot of drugs and get very drunk on very cheap wine.

Santiago Durango

 

I doing casual labor by the day. They wouldn't pay you until the next morning. There was a bar that would cash your check if you bought a beer first. A lot of guys never left until they'd drunk up all their money.

Fred Ward

 

The thing I'd really like to see is the old London Bridge, with all the old buildings around it like Shakespeare's Globe. I'd like to walk along that. Don't worry, I won't get drunk and fall in.

Alan Davies

 

I had never, ever drunk beer in high school, and by the time I got to Tech we were having these parties out in the cotton fields and getting so drunk. I was the champion beer drinker; suddenly I was pouring it down my throat... Insane! Insane!

Bob Livingston

 

The intense perfumes of the wild herbs as we trod them underfoot made us feel almost drunk.

Jacqueline du Pre

 

If a woman earned a dollar by scrubbing, her husband had a right to take the dollar and go and get drunk with it and beat her afterwards. It was his dollar.

Lucy Stone

 

You know the stories of a woman saying to Churchill, 'Sir, you're drunk,' and he said to her, 'And you're ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober.' I was really excited to do that scene, but I did get slapped.

Thomas Howes

 

I write as if I were drunk. It is a process of intuition rather than placing myself above my story like a puppeteer pulling strings. For me, it's a scary, chaotic process over which I have little control. Words demand other words, characters resist me.

Elif Safak

 

I may be known as the girl who was sunbathing topless with a Prince but Jordan is known as that thick girl who always falls out of clubs drunk. I know which one I prefer.

Jenny Frost

 

We'd boil this whisky because we thought that would make it stronger. So we thought we were getting drunk, but in fact there'd be no alcohol left in it.

Neneh Cherry

 

Take life with a grain of salt... a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.

 

Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow...

 

Friday is the beginning of my liver's workweek.

 

Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism.

 

Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home.

 

Let's drink on the beach until we're no longer ashamed to show our bodies on the beach.

 

It's not drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work.

 

I buy store-brand groceries so I can afford top-shelf booze.

 

I snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach...

 

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

 

If you ever see me drinking a Bud Lite Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.

 

I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

 

Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.

 

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

 

A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...Ohh sorry that's vodka....vodka does that.

 

Mom says 'Alcohol is your enemy'... Jesus says 'Love your enemy.'

 

I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday.

 

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.

 

Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.

 

If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

 

When I drink alcohol...everyone says I'm alcoholic but When I drink Fanta...no one says I'm fantastic...

 

It's Saturday. The toughest decision you need to make is bottle or draft.

 

I drink on Sunday to forget that tomorrow is Monday.

 

I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type.

 

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.

 

Listen, I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties.

 

I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night...especially since I walked there.

 

I wonder what the blood alcohol level is of all these mosquitos that keep biting me?

 

Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.

 

I hate it when I'm drinking and somebody tries to correct my Vodkabulary.

 

Beer Googles: Searching for stuff on the Internet...when you're drunk.

 

Word of Advice: If a cop pulls you over and says, 'You drinking?' Never respond with, 'You buying?'

 

My friends are getting married. I'm getting drunk. I think we know who the real winner is.

 

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

 

Playing a fun drinking game called: Girl alone with her cat.

 

Don't ever talk to your ex while drunk, booze has information in it.

 

I only got a toilet seat cushion so my face would be comfortable after an intense night of drinking.

 

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

 

There are many good reasons for drinking, one has just entered my head, if a man doesn't drink when he's living, how the hell can he drink when he's dead?

 

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

 

Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.

 

If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home...

 

Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working .

 

One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesnt live like the previous generation. It hasnt yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.

 

A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.

 

The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.

 

But the greatest lovethe love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother...Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.

 

The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish dont bother you.

 

Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.

 

I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, Im drinking so that youre more fun to be around.

 

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

 

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

 

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution - to all of life's problems. --Homer Simpson

 

 "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." --Humphrey Bogart

 

 "Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." --Al Bundy, Married with Children

 

 "Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . ."  --Thornton Mellon, Back to School

 

 "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."  --Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House

 

 "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."  --Bluto, Animal House

 

 --Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something."

 --Marge: "Go crazy?'

 --Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"

 

 "I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody."  --Hawkeye from M*A*S*H

 

 "Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey."  --Pappy from Maverick

 

 "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. "  --Dean Martin

 

 "I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. "  --Doug Coughlin from Cocktail

 

 "The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got. "  --Doug Coughlin from Cocktail

 

 "Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. "  --Arnold Schwarzenegger

 

 "God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. "  --Ed McMahon

 

 "I like my whiskey old and my women young. "  --Errol Flynn

 

 "I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." --Frank Sinatra

 

 "I'm gonna drink you pretty."--The Beat Farmers

 

 "Jim Beam's giving me the right to be wrong."--The Beat Farmers

 

 "I'm getting drunk, with or without you. "--The Beat Farmers

 

 "I like beer 'cos it is good

 I drink beer because I should

 If there was a song to sing

 I sing it and beer you bring" --Psychostick

 

 "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --Frank Zappa

 

 "On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the liqour store is closed." --Frank Varano

 

 "Well I got a bad liver and broken heart,

 I drunk me a river since you tore me apart

 And I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink..." --Tom Waits

 

 "If I have one, I'll have thirteen. No, there ain't no in-betwee. Cuz the more I drink, the more I drink, the more I drink." --Blake Shelton

 

 "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." --Joe E. Lewis

 

 "Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you." --Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer

 

 "You're pretty when I'm drunk." --The Bloodhound Gang

 

 "What's made Milwaukee famous has made a loser out of me." --Glenn Sutton

 

 "I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass." --David Lee Roth

 

 "I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver." --Phil Harris

 

 "I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up." --Dean Martin

 

 "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."  --Dean Martin

 

 "Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold."  --Jerry Vale

 

 "Excuse me please, one more drink

 Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think

 She broke my heart, my grace is gone

 One more drink and I'll move on." --The Dave Matthews Band

 

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. --Dylan Thomas

 

 "You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning." --Celia Rivenbark

 

 "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. " --Ernest Hemingway

 

 "Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough." --Ernest Hemingway

 

 "I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it."  --Raymond Chandler

 

 "Then trust me, there's nothing like drinking. So pleasant this side of the grave; it keeps the unhappy from thinking and makes even the valiant more brave. " --Charles Didbin

 

 "I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not." --Brendan Behan

 

 "I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started." --Brendan Behan

 

 "I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop."--Noel Coward

 

 "Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into." --Don Marquis

 

 "There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer." --Joan Goldstein

 

 "Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." --Henry Lawson

 

 "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." --Hunter S. Thompson

 

 "The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one."--George Bernard Shaw

 

 "Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life."--George Bernard Shaw

 

 "Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough."--Mark Twain

 

 "You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."--Mark Twain

 

 "If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." --Clement Freud

 

 "Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss. " --Robert A. Heinlein

 

 "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. " --Catherine Zandonella

 

 "I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. " --Robert Benchley

 

 "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. " --Dave Barry

 

 "There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. " --John Ciandi

 

 "The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober. " --William Butler Yeats

 

 "When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."--Jimmy Breslin

 

 "Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony."--Robert Benchley

 

 "For a quart of ale is a dish for a king."--William Shakespeare

 

 "There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink."--Oscar Wilde

 

 "Three be the things I shall never attain: envy, content and sufficient Champagne."--Dorothy Parker

 

 "A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.

 A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.

 So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote."--

 William Butler Yeats

 

 "Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."--Ambrose Bierce

 

 "I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books."--P.J. O'Rourke

 

 "Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life."--F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

 "I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working."--Dave Berry

 

 "Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living."--Jean Kerr

 

 "The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol."--Mignon McLaughlin

 

 "Wine gives a man nothing it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost."--Samuel Johnson

 

 "I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again."--Charles Bukowski

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

 

 "I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me." --Benjamin Franklin

 

 "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria." --Benjamin Franklin

 

 "There can't be good living where there is not good drinking." --Benjamin Franklin

 

Lady Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

 

 "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer." --Confucius

 

 "I am a firm believer in the people.  If given the truth they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis.  The great point is to bring them the real facts...and beer."  --Abraham Lincoln

 

 "Wine is sunlight, held together by water." --Galileo

 

 "The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer." --Ancient Egyption Proverb, 2200 B.C

 

 "He was a wise man who invented beer." --Plato

 

 "No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer." --John Churchill

 

 "There may be a few good men who don't drink, but they've got to prove it." --Col. Lincoln Karmany, USMC

 

 "Protocol, alcohol, and Geritol"--Adlai E. Stevenson

 

 "Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepted thy works."--Ecclesiastes 9. 7 - The Bible

 

 "An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor. "--Dr. Alvan L. Barach

 

 "It is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church. "--Martin Luther

 

 "Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep. Whoever sleeps long, does not sin. Whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer! "--Martin Luther

 

 "From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world. "--Saint Arnoldus

 

 "I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate...and I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself. "--Napoleon Bonaparte

 

 "Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of champagne; knowing him was like drinking it." --Winston Churchill

 

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright

 

 "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." --Henny Youngman

 

 "A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." " --Henny Youngman

 

 "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle."  --Henny Youngman

 

 "Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down."  --Phyllis Diller

 

 "My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago."--George Gobel

 

 "Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." --George Burns

 

 "I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety."--Richard Pryor

 

 "I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on."--Oscar Levant

 

 "If you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, -And then I go home-."--Jim Jefferies

 

 "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

 

 "I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."--Rodney Dangerfield

 

 "I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite. "--Bette Midler

 

 "I drink to forget I drink. "--Joe E. Lewis

 

 "The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism. "--Norman Brenner

 

 "I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served. "--George Gobel

 

 "I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. "--Joe E. Lewis

 

 "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."--Drew Carrey

 

 "There are two kinds of people I don't trust. People who don't drink and people who collect stickers."--Chelsea Handler

 

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

 

 "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."

 

 "I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."

 

 "Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."

 

 "Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got."

 

 "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."

 

 "I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

 

 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar."

 

 "I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

 

Candy Is dandy, But liquor Is quicker. --Ogden Nash

 

 "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.  Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --Jack Handey

 

 "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. So when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

 

 The human brain works that way too. It only operates as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."--Cliff Clavin from Cheers

 

 "And God said, 'Let there be vodka!' and He saw that it was good. Then God said, 'Let there be light!'. And then He said, 'Whoa - too much light." --Unknown jokester

 

 "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." --Oscar Wilde

 

 "Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death"--Ben Jonson

 

 "I am the last barman poet. I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake. The sex on the beach. The schnapps made from peach. The velvet hammer. The Alabama slammer. I make things with juice and froth. The pink squirrel. The three-toed sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy. The iced tea. The kamakazi. The orgasm. The death spasm. The Singapore sling. The dingaling. America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got. But if you want to got loaded...Why don't you just order a shot? Bar is open!"--Brian Flanagan from Cocktail

 

 "I like to have a martini,

 Two at the very most.

 After three I'm under the table,

 after four I'm under my host." "--Dorothy Parker

 

 "To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a support group."--Leo Durocher

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. --Unknown Author

 

 "If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic."  --Unknown Author

 

 "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars - the rest I just squandered." --George Best

 

 "Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work."--Will Rogers

 

 "A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts." --Unknown Author

 

 "Don't bother trying to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. It turns out they're apparently against all three." --Wiley

 

 "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."--Alex Levine

 

 "Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine."--Anonymous

 

 "Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I shall die before I wake tell my friends I drank it straight."--Unknown

 

 "Being half drunk is just another way of saying -your almost there-." --Unknown Author

 

 "Always remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser." --Unknown Author

 

 "I don't always drink...but when I do it's every day." --Unknown Author

 

“I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

~ Frank Sinatra

 

“When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumbass.”

~ That 70’s Show

 

“Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.”

~ N.F. Simpson

 

“No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink.”

~ G. K. Chesterton

 

“I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did.”

~ Steve Krabitz

 

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

~ Oscar Wilde

 

“All is fair in love and beer.”

~ Kurt Paradis

 

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.”

~ Jack Handey

 

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

~ Joe E. Lewis

 

“We drink [to] one another’s health and spoil our own.”

~ Jerome K. Jerome

 

“If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people.”

~ Anonymous

 

“The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.”

~ The Simpsons

 

“When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.”

~ Frantois Rabelais

 

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”

~ Steve Fergosi

 

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”

~ Steven Wright

 

“Drink what you want; drink what you’re able. If you are drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.”

~ Anonymous

 

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”

~ Oscar Levant

 

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”

~ W.C. Fields

 

“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”

~ Catherine Zandonella

 

“Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.”

~ Anonymous

 

“I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become.”

~ Tom Ralphs

 

“I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved.”

~ George Gobel

 

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.”

~ The Simpsons

 

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”

~ Lord Byron

 

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

~ Dave Barry

 

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”

~ Dean Martin

 

“It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.”

~ Jim Morrison

 

“Alcoholic friends are as easy to make as Sea Monkeys.”

~ Dry

 

“Maybe talking when I’m piss ass drunk isn’t entirely bright.”

~ Chris McGowan

 

“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . . ”

~ Anchorman

 

“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”

~ David Daye

 

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

~ George Burns

 

“I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”

~ Joe E. Lewis

 

“I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it.”

~ Anonymous

 

“Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.”

~ The Simpsons

 

“Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”

~ The Major and the Minor

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

~ Henry Youngman

 

“Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.”

~ Anonymous

 

“One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”

~ James Thurber

 

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

~ Rodney Dangerfield

 

“He that drinks fast, pays slow.”

~ Benjamin Franklin

 

“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”

~ Anonymous

 

“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”

~ Joe E. Lewis

 

“Responsible drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.”

~ Aaron Howard

 

“I drink to make other people more interesting.”

― Ernest Hemingway

 

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

 

“Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go

To heal my heart and drown my woe

Rain may fall, and wind may blow

And many miles be still to go

But under a tall tree will I lie

And let the clouds go sailing by”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

 

“Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.”

― Charles Bukowski

 

“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”

― Winston Churchill

 

“Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned 

 

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

― Benjamin Franklin

 

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”

― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands 

 

“I like to have a martini,

Two at the very most.

After three I'm under the table,

after four I'm under my host.”

― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker 

 

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

― W.C. Fields

 

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

― David Sedaris, Naked 

 

“It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby 

 

“I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.”

― Charles Bukowski

 

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

― Frank Sinatra

 

“Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.”

― Jim Butcher, Changes 

 

“Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."

Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.”

― Terry Pratchett

 

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”

― Ernest Hemingway

 

“Good people drink good beer.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas 

 

“I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.”

― Anne Lamott

 

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”

― G.K. Chesterton, Heretics 

 

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.”

― Chelsea Handler, Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea 

 

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?

There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

― Drew Carey

 

“Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

― Steve Martin

 

“Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!”

― Warren Ellis

 

“Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.”

― Chelsea Handler

 

“The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 

 

I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if

“I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?”

― Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That

 

Quotes tagged as "drinking"  (showing 31-60 of 3,000) 

 

“For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.”

― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day 

 

“After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

― Oscar Wilde

 

“I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.”

― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar 

 

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”

― W.C. Fields

 

“Next to music, beer was best.”

― Carson McCullers, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter 

 

“Do you drink?"

"Of course,I just said I was a writer.”

― Stephen King

 

If you were to stand at night by the sea-shore with Harris, and say:

Hark! do you not hear? Is it but the mermaids singing deep below the waving waters; or sad spirits, chanting dirges for white corpses held by seaweed? Harris would take you by the arm, and say:

I know what it is, old man; you've got a chill. Now you come along with me. I know a place round the corner here, where you can get a drop of the finest Scotch whisky you ever tasted- put you right in less than no time.

Harris always does know a place round the corner where you can get something brilliant in the drinking line. I believe that if you met Harris up in Paradise (supposing such a thing likely), he would immediately greet you with:

So glad you've come, old fellow; I've found a nice place round the corner here, where you can get some really first-class nectar.”

― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat 

 

When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop.

I'll have to get a shorter name.

I'll have to forget how to spell it.”

― Richard Kadrey, Kill the Dead 

 

“I feel like today should be a perfect Meatball day... Let's just get wastey-pants!”

― Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

 

“Drinking is such a necessity to human life that people cannot fathom an individual who, like a child confined to a church pew, gets little enjoyment out of it and would rather do other things.”

― Criss Jami

 

“Sensible people advise against drinking on an empty stomach, but to my mind it is the best sort of drinking.”

― Tom Hodgkinson

 

“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out and evaporate. Scotch on the rocks, anyone?
”

― Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom 

 

“Passivity is corrosive to the soul; it feeds on feelings of integrity and pride, and it can be as tempting as a drug.”

― Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story 

 

“Here, drink your liqueur," Henry said, tossing back her drink. "I carry it with me everywhere because it's the only kind of drink that Leo doesn't like, so there's a chance I'll still have some tomorrow.”

― Eloisa James, A Kiss at Midnight 

 

“The only cure for a real hangover is death.”

― Robert Benchley

 

“When I was in London in 2008, I spent a couple hours hanging out at a pub with a couple of blokes who were drinking away the afternoon in preparation for going to that evening's Arsenal game/riot. Take away their Cockney accents, and these working-class guys might as well have been a couple of Bubbas gearing up for the Alabama-Auburn game. They were, in a phrase, British rednecks. And this is who soccer fans are, everywhere in the world except among the college-educated American elite. In Rio or Rome, the soccer fan is a Regular José or a Regular Giuseppe. [...] By contrast, if an American is that kind of Regular Joe, he doesn't watch soccer. He watches the NFL or bass fishing tournaments or Ultimate Fighting. In an American context, avid soccer fandom is almost exclusively located among two groups of people (a) foreigners—God bless 'em—and (b) pretentious yuppie snobs. Which is to say, conservatives don't hate soccer because we hate brown people. We hate soccer because we hate liberals.”

― Robert Stacy McCain

 

“When I got to college, the fake ID thing wasn't that important, since pretty much everyone could get away with drinking in New Orleans. But the drugs, well, that was a different story altogether, because drugs are every bit as illegal in New Orleans as anywhere else--at least, if you're black and poor, and have the misfortune of doing your drugs somewhere other than the dorms at Tulane University. But if you are lucky enough to be living at Tulane, which is a pretty white place, especially contrasted with the city where it's located, which is 65 percent black, then you are absolutely set.”

― Tim Wise, White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son 

 

“One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delight, beyond the bliss of dreams.”

― John Milton, Comus 

 

“Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy profession, and a large number of its practitioners spend many nights drowning their sorrows in Ouisghian Zodahs.”

― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 

 

“One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”

― Nancy Astor

 

“I never drink while I'm working, but after a few glasses I get ideas that would never have occurred to me dead sober.”

― Irwin Shaw

 

“You don’t need to drink to get over your feelings. Deal with your feelings that’s how you get over them,”

― Holly Hood, Prison of Paradise 

 

“Let us have wine and woman, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda water the day after.

 

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk;

The best of life is but intoxication:

Glory, the grape, love, gold, in these are sunk

The hopes of all men, and of every nation;

Without their sap, how branchless were the trunk

Of life's strange tree, so fruitful on occasion:

But to return--Get very drunk; and when

You wake with head-ache, you shall see what then.”

― George Gordon Byron, Don Juan 

 

“They sell courage of a sort in the taverns. And another sort, though not for sale, a man can find in the confessional. Try the alehouses and the churches, Hugh. In either a man can be quiet and think.”

― Ellis Peters, The Heretic's Apprentice 

 

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.
”

― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life 

 

“I've gotten more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

― Winston Churchill

 

“Beer bottles, whiskey bottles, brown glass, green. They fell to the lawn and I'd feel serene. Adam was king to my stilted queen.”

― Kate Bernheimer, The Complete Tales of Ketzia Gold 

 

“Camels can go many weeks without drinking anything at all. The notion that they cache water in their humps is pure myth—their humps are made of fat, and water is stored in their body tissues. While other mammals draw water from bloodstreams when faced with dehydration, leading to death by volume shock, camels tap the water in their tissues, keeping their blood volume stable. Though this reduces the camel’s bulk, they can lose up to a third of their body weight with no ill effects, which they can replace astonishingly quickly, as they are able to drink up to forty gallons in a single watering.” (pp.69-70)”

― Michael Benanav, Men of Salt: Crossing the Sahara on the Caravan of White Gold 

 

“Taking a couple short backup swigs, Flint’s crippling headache started to release its grip, sort of the way he imagined an octopus would release an inedible bowling ball.”

― Cole Alpaugh, The Bear in a Muddy Tutu 

 

“Ive created a new drink! I'm calling it the Piñata Colada! Its sweet and tasty, but when you wake up the next morning your head feels like its been hitten with a stick.”

― José N. Harris

 

“Why are you drinking? demanded the little prince.

So that I may forget, replied the tippler.

Forget what? inquired the little prince, who was already sorry for him.

Forget that I am ashamed, the tippler confessed, hanging his head.

Ashamed of what? insisted the little prince, who wanted to help him.

Ashamed of drinking!”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince 

 

Which is what? Teft asked. "With spears?"

Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here."

How then? Kaladin asked, genuinely curious.

Well, Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing."

“How's that a duel?”

He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about.

Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.”

― Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings 

 

“Rick feels almost the way he used to halfway through his third drink, his favorite moment, the way he wishes all moments in life could feel: heightened with the sense that anything could happen at any moment--that being alive is important, because just when you least expect it, you might receive exactly what you least expect.”

― Douglas Coupland, Player One: What Is to Become of Us 

 

“Those partial to drink were hiding faults and dishonesty. They were sloppy souls, even the ones with pleasant manners and fine noses.”

― Sarah Hall, The Electric Michelangelo 

 

“I'm going out for a bottle of champagne. We're going to get bombed.”

― Stephen King, The Dead Zone 

 

“How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,

And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.

What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?

I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.

Your wife can’t be a banshee—

Or can she?”

― Ogden Nash, Private Dining-room and Other New Verses 

 

“Think of the power we could have if all the energy and effort in the world – or maybe even just your energy and effort? – that goes into drinking were put into resisting, building, creating. Try adding up all the money anarchists in your community have spent on corporate libations, and picture how much musical equipment or bail money or food it could have paid for – instead of funding their war against all of us.”

― CrimethInc., Anarchy and Alcohol 

 

“The food we were given was no more than eatable, but the patron was not mean about drink; he allowed us two litres of wine a day each, knowing that if a plongeur is not given two litres he will steal three.”

― George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London 

 

“I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy”

― Dean Martin

 

“Elliot Rawley was a drinker, Cy’s mother had been right. And he was a poor drinker. One that let the demons of the bottle into his head when he tipped it back, demons that went about unloosing all the trouble they could find stashed in the catacombs of his mind. Every tragic thing that had ever happened, every self-doubt, every delusion, freed itself from bondage and revisited him when he drank.”

― Sarah Hall, The Electric Michelangelo 

 

“For he was drinking too much. Not uncontrollably nor offensively, but still he seldom seemed to have a glass out of his hand.”

― Rosamunde Pilcher, Wild Mountain Thyme 

 

“More wine for me, pour me some more!"

 "You smart girl, I knew you're a smart girl, just teasing...”

Faces turn red, the dark earth blood is rising.

 They wink at Pelka, wink at the host: "He knows his goods!" The women feel the buttons constricting them - they undo one, another, a third. By twos the guests go outside to get some air.

“Eh-hey!" the redhead suddenly snatches the tambourine and sweeps off, tapping wildly in a circle. Eyes closed: a white sleepless sun-a white night on the meadow-white columns of smoke swaying over fires...

― Yevgeny Zamyatin, The Dragon: Fifteen Stories 

 

“In Mississippi the important thing is hooch, not bar equipment.”

― Florence King, Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady 

 

“I admit I get the occasional headache," I said. "I admit some of my hangovers are epic. But usually all it takes for me to bounce back is a sauna, cold-plunge pool, steam bath, massage, and wasabi to clear the sinuses".”

― George Gurley, George & Hilly: The Anatomy of a Relationship 

 

“It’s (Alcohol) my own perdition… Maybe it’s sent to eat my liver every day for my attempt to offer people the fire.”

― Thanos Grigoriou

 

The jewel which brightly shines at night

Is precious, but cannot measure up

To the delights of drinking sake,

Drowning one's troubles in the cup.

 

“Where had he been? Drinking, obviously. Then she started cataloging all the ways he was worthless.

On fool impulse, as his most potent available argument against Lily, Bud stuck his hands into his coat pockets and pulled out the many bundles of hundreds and threw them on the bedspread. If you were honest and stupid, you worked a couple of lifetimes for that kind of money, doled out by the hour in pocket-change amounts by asswipe bosses.”

― Charles Frazier, Nightwoods 

 

“What everyone agreed was not very nice, was the way Clémence had carried on. Obviously, she wasn't the kind of girl you'd ask again: she'd ended up showing off everything she'd got, and she'd puked all down one of the muslin curtains and completely ruined it. At least the men did go into the street to do it; Lorilleux and Poisson, when they felt queer, managed to dash as far as the pork-butcher's shop. Breeding always tells.”

― Émile Zola

 

“Mulled ale for the frozen man,

And mulled ale for the weary:

For mulled ale is the body's friend

And makes the sick heart merry.”

― Frans G. Bengtsson, The Long Ships 

 

“Do you prefer fermented or distilled?

This is a trick question. It doesn’t matter how much you like wine, because wine is social and writing is anti-social. This is a writer’s interview, writing is a lonely job, and spirits are the lubricant of the lonely. You might say all drinking is supposed to be social but there’s a difference, at one in the morning while you’re hunched over your computer, between opening up a bottle of Chardonnay and pouring two-fingers of bourbon into a tumbler. A gin martini, of course, splits the difference nicely, keeping you from feeling like a deadline reporter with a smoldering cigarette while still reminding you that your job is to be interesting for a living. Anyone who suggests you can make a martini with vodka, by the way, is probably in need of electroconvulsive therapy.”

― Stuart Connelly

 

“Quite possibly one of the most revealing passages about Shakespeare as a man comes from one of the roughest of the jottings made by gossip John Aubrey from his interview with William Beeston, son of the Christopher Beeston who had acted with Shakespeare's company. The partly cancelled note reads: 'the more to be admired, he was not a company keeper. [He] ... wouldn't be debauched, and if invited to, writ [i.e. wrote] he was in pain.' [Ch.24]”

― Ian Wilson, Shakespeare: The Evidence: Unlocking the Mysteries of the Man and His Work 

 

“Oh God how subtle he would have to be, how cunning... No paragraph, no phrase even of the thousands the book must contain could strike a discordant note, be less than fully imagined, an entire novel's worth of thought would have to be expended on each one. His attention had only to lapse for a moment, between preposition and object, colophon and chapter heading, for dead spots to appear like gangrene that would rot the whole. Silkworms didn't work as finely or as patiently as he must, and yet boldness was all, the large stroke, the end contained in and prophesied by the beginning, the stains of his clouds infinitely various but all signifying sunrise. Unity in diversity, all that guff. An enormous weariness flew over him. The trouble with drink, he had long known, wasn't that it started up these large things but that it belittled the awful difficulties of their execution. ("Novelty")”

― John Crowley, American Fantastic Tales: Terror and the Uncanny from the 1940's Until Now 

 

“A fine young man and a fine young felly he always was, except that in the old days, before you began coming in here, Mr. Witherwax, he maybe had too much money and spent too much of it on girls. Take them alone, either one; the money without the women, or a good girl without the money that can be a help to a young felly, and he's fixed for life. But put them together; and often as not, the young felly goes on the booze. ("The Better Mousetrap")”

― Fletcher Pratt, Tales From Gavagan's Bar 

 

“Need 'nether whiskey. Whiskey chaser. Gotta get two men drunk.'

 

Mr. Cohan placed both hands on the bar. 'Mr. Walsh,' he said severely, 'in Gavagan's we will serve a man a drink to wet his whistle, or even because his old woman has pasted him with a dornick, but a drink to get drunk with I do not sell. Now I'm telling you you've had enough for tonight, and in the morning you'll be thanking me...' ("My Brother's Keeper")”

― Fletcher Pratt, Tales From Gavagan's Bar 

 

“I mulled over what he had told me as I savored the Scotch. Not bad, really — like a beer that’s been in a brawl.”

― David Justice

 

“In the fall he picked up his phone one afternoon to hear Grandma Lynn.

'Jack,' my grandmother announced, 'I am thinking of coming to stay.'

My father was silent, but the line was riddled with his hesitation.

'I would like to make myself available to you and the children. I've been knocking around in this mausoleum long enough.'

'Lynn, we're just beginning to start over again,' he stammered. Still, he couldn't depend on Nate's mother to watch Buckley forever. Four months after my mother left, her temporary absence was beginning to take on the feel of permanence.

My grandmother insisted. I watched her resist the remaining slug of vodka in her glass. 'I will contain my drinking until'- she thought hard here- 'after five o'clock, and,' she said,' what the hell, I'll stop altogether if you should find it necessary.'

'Do you know what you're saying?'

My grandmother felt a clarity from her phone hand down to her pump-encased feet. 'Yes, I do. I think'

It was only after he got off the phone that he let himself wonder, Where will we PUT her?

It was obvious to everyone.

~pgs 213-214; Grandma Lynn and Jack;”

― Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones 

 

“Well, I drank enough to sustain a small Spanish village, I haven't had an orgasm in a thousand years, and I will probably die old and alone in a beautifully designed apartment with all of Clive's illegitimate children swarming around me...How do you think I feel?”

― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger 

 

“Somebody get me a bottle of booze—and a reason to quit drinking. I fell in love twice today, and I only encountered one other person. 
”

― Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time 

 

“The no-booze rule is one of several shams perpetuated by certain religious groups, presumably to keep their flocks in line. After all, what’s a shepherd to do with drunk sheep?

So take your medicine, but leave the booze on the shelf. We have a label to keep, and it’s not Jack Daniels. Don’t mourn for me. Just tell me what to do rather than teach me what to be. Slam another pill, pop that one last sedative…you’ll find me in the kitchen, washing my glass.”

― Chila Woychik, On Being a Rat and Other Observations

 

“I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits.
”

― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages. 

 

“One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you're living with this illness and functioning at all, it's something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.”

― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking 

 

“You think that's the solution to everything, don't you, Bane? Drinking and dancing and making love... but I tell you this, something is coming, and we'd be fools to ignore it."

When have I ever claimed not to be a fool?”

― Cassandra Clare, The Rise of the Hotel Dumort 

Yes, we thought we were being clever New Yorkers - that the name was a joke no one else would really get, like we did. Not meta-get ... But our first customer, a gray-haired woman in bifocals and a pink jogging suit, said, "I like the name. Like in Breakfast at Tiffany's and Audrey Hepburn's cat was named Cat.”

― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl 

 

“...it was not considered right for a man not to drink, although drink was a dangerous thing. On the contrary, not to drink would have been thought a mark of cowardice and of incapacity for self-control. A man was expected even to get drunk if necessary, and to keep his tongue and his temper no matter how much he drank. The strong character would only become more cautious and more silent under the influence of drink; the weak man would immediately show his weakness. I am told the curious fact that in the English army at the present day officers are expected to act very much after the teaching of the old Norse poet; a man is expected to be able on occasion to drink a considerable amount of wine or spirits without showing the effects of it, either in his conduct or in his speech. "Drink thy share of mead; speak fair or not at all" - that was the old text, and a very sensible one in its way.”

― Eoghan Odinsson, Northern Lore: A Field Guide to the Northern Mind-Body-Spirit 

 

“They say that secrets live at the bottom of a wine bottle. Mama had made it there the night before, slow glass by slow glass, but she'd never spoken a word.”

― Alethea Kontis, Enchanted 

 

“I knew what Charley would do. He would spend the evening drinking himself into the mindset of a cinder block. If they had given him as much as a hundred bucks, it would be a long night.”

― Dan Ahearn, Shoot the Moon 

 

“We were still twirling around the tiny parking lot when the neighbors

screamed 'Happy New Year'. Unfortunately we weren't sober enough to

realize that was our cue to call it a night. Josh had a new beer in his hands,

Danny was eating the last hot dog and Darren and I were still dancing

when the cops showed up.”

― Kaitlin Scott, For Danny 

 

“It's impossible to be a good writer if you haven't lived badly. A past life of drinking heavily, fighting and whoring all help to ease those words onto the page.”

― Ken Scott

 

“Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times." He shook his head. "A bar would not be a good career move for you.”

― Jennifer Crusie, Manhunting 

 

“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”

― Spike Milligan, Puckoon 

 

“I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.”

― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands 

 

“I have a question. Is it okay to drink while you're pregnant...if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?”

― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands 

 

“My side felt a lot better when Nora called me at noon the next day. "My nice policeman wants to see you," she said. "How do you feel?"

Terrible. I must've gone to bed sober. I pushed Asta out of the way and got up.”

― Dashiell Hammett, The Thin Man

 

“Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine.”
”

― Jarod Kintz, The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary 

 

“Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn't have you by the throat.”

― Charles Bukowski, Factotum 

 

“It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines.”

― Jasinda Wilder, Falling Into You 

 

“Let…it…go,” he whispers, his voice a fierce, harsh sound in my hair. “No. No!” The last word is screamed. “You have to. You can’t bleed it out. You can’t keep pretending, drinking it down.”

― Jasinda Wilder, Falling Into You 

 

“It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away.”

― Sherman Alexie, The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven 

 

“I drink much less than most people think, and I think much more than most people would believe.”

― Hunter S Thompson, Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967 

 

“Ever heard the phrase, 'candy is dandy but liquor is quicker?'"

Great she wanted to get me drunk.

Ah...ever heard of underage!

Where there's a will there's a way, she said, matter-of-factly.

That's your great plan?”

― Jessica Shirvington, Embrace 

― E.J. Eisman

 

“All round there was a rising tide of beer, widow Désir's barrels had all been broached, beer had rounded all paunches and was overflowing in all directions, from noses, eyes - and elsewhere. People were so blown out and higgledy-piggledy, that everybody's elbows or knees were sticking into his neighbour and everybody thought it great fun to feel his neighbour's elbows. All mouths were grinning from ear to ear in continuous laughter.”

― Émile Zola, Germinal 

 

“Ivanov: Gentlemen, you've again set up a drinking shop in my study... I have asked each and every one of you a

thousand times not to do that...

Look now, you've spilt vodka on a paper... and there are crumbs... and gherkins...

It's disgusting!”

― Anton Chekhov, Ivanov

 

“Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...

Justin, looking desperately at me: No?

Nana: Are you sure?

Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no.

Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is...

Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin.

Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin?

Pops: His name is Jason.

Justin:Uh....uh....

Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving?

Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear!

Nana: Methinks he protests too much.”

― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland 

 

“There’s something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar – even in this fake-ass Irish pub.”

― Anthony Bourdain, Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook 

 

“When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls. 
”

― Jarod Kintz, Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You 

 

“Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.”

― P.G. Wodehouse, A Damsel In Distress 

 

“The way a man drinks in company tells you nothing about him, but the way he drinks when alone reveals, without his realizing it, the very depths of his soul.”

― Irène Némirovsky, Fire in the Blood 

 

“What is this thing you call substance abuse?

All I wanna do is forget and get loose.

Drinking and smoking over and over

What's so great about a life that's sober?

There's nothing cool about being young

When the monsters of night have stolen the sun.

I'm tired of searching for words in the sky.

All I wanna do is drink and die.

Nothing is real. It's all a big lie.

All I wanna do is drink and die.

There's nothing cool about being young

When the monsters of night have stolen the sun.”

― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Last Night I Sang to the Monster 

 

“Right, what's there possibly to worry about?" she said. "Just some surgery in the garage with a drunk doctor."

Little miss," said Doc, pointing a finger at Cass. "I'm drinking. I'm not drunk. There's a difference." He took another sip from his cup. "But in another ten minutes or so, that might change, so you should stop stalling.”

― Gregg Rosenblum, Revolution 19  

 

“I guess I forgot we were going out tonight."

We always go out on Fridays.

It's Thursday, Alvis.

You are so tied to routine.” 

― Jess Walter, Beautiful Ruins

 

A Change Is Gonna Come”

― B.J. Neblett

 

“He stopped complaining, but now I was annoyed. I went to the roof and drank alone.”

― Haruki Murakami

 

“I peer through the spectral, polluted, nicotine-sodden windows of my sock at these old lollopers in their kiddie gear. Go home, I say. Go home, lie down, and eat lots of potatoes. I had three handjobs yesterday. None was easy. Sometimes you really have to buckle down to it, as you do with all forms of exercise. It's simply a question of willpower. Anyone who's got the balls to stand there and tell me that a handjob isn't exercise just doesn't know what he's talking about. I almost had a heart-attack during number three. I take all kinds of other exercise too. I walk up and down the stairs. I climb into cabs and restaurant booths. I hike to the Butcher's Arms and the London Apprentice. I cough a lot. I throw up pretty frequently, which really takes it out of you. I sneeze, and hit the tub and the can. I get in and out of bed, often several times a day.”

― Martin Amis, Money 

 

“Had a couple of drinks by myself. It was a mistake. Have I got to give up drinking, too? If I eliminate everything, how will I exist? I was somebody who loved Maurice and went with men and enjoyed my drinks. What happens if you drop all the things that make you I?”

― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair 

 

“He dozed off, into a dreamless oblivion, for what seemed like seconds but was in fact hours, and awoke hungover, the inner surface of his skull pulsing like a single, giant nerve being chewed by some ruminant animal.”

― Alex Shakar, Luminarium 

 

“Ale, man, Ale's the stuff to drink,

for fellows whom it hurts to think.”

― A.E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad

 

“I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.”

― Tom Waits

 

“There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.”

― Bette Davis

 

“For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“One more drink and I'll be under the host.”

― Mae West

 

“After the first glass of vodka

you can accept just about anything

of life even your own mysteriousness

you think it is nice that a box

of matches is purple and brown and is called La Petite and comes from Sweden

for they are words that you know and that is all you know words not their feelings or what they mean and you write because you know them not because you understand them because you don't you are stupid and lazy and will never be great but you do what you know because what else is there?”

― Frank O'Hara, The Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara 

 

“I like to change liquor stores frequently because the clerks got to know your habits if you went in night and day and bought huge quantities. I could feel them wondering why I wasn't dead yet and it made me uncomfortable. They probably weren't thinking any such thing, but then a man gets paranoid when he has 300 hangovers a year.”

― Charles Bukowski, Women 

 

“You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.”

― Tom Waits

 

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

― Dorothy Parker

 

“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”

― Alex Levin

 

“To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems”

― Matt Groening

 

“They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.”

― Stephen Colbert

 

“Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
”

― Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible 

 

“War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”

― William Faulkner

 

“Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!”

― Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker 

 

“Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector...and miss.”

― Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love 

 

“Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.”

― Oscar Wilde

 

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”

― W.C. Fields

 

“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”

― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right 

 

“Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.
”

― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks 

 

“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”

― Jeff Foxworthy

 

“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”

― Quentin R. Bufogle

 

“If you ever know a man who tries to drown his sorrows, kindly inform him his sorrows know how to swim.”

― Pittacus Lore, The Power of Six 

 

“She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it's there, because it can't hurt, and because what difference does it make?”

― Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon 

 

“I try to convince myself that it's the alcohol talking. But alcohol can't talk. It just sits there. It can't even get itself out of the bottle.”

― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary 

 

“Jem grinned. “Where have you been? The Blue Dragon? The Mermaid?”

“Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.”

― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel 

 

“his lips drink water

 but his heart drinks wine”

― E.E. Cummings

 

“Fill with mingled cream and amber,

 I will drain that glass again.

Such hilarious visions clamber

 Through the chamber of my brain —

Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies

 Come to life and fade away;

What care I how time advances?

 I am drinking ale today.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

 

“Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.”

― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot 

 

“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.”

― Raymond Chandler

 

“Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you.”

― Jay M. Bylsma

 

“Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila.”

― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves 

 

“A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can't predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.”

― Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye 

 

“Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes we must drink more, sport, recreate ourselves, and even sin a little to spite the devil, so that we leave him no place for troubling our consciences with trifles. We are conquered if we try too conscientiously not to sin at all. So when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to.”

― Martin Luther

 

“Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.”

― Louis Pasteur

 

“They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians - any Russian - can drink you under the table.”

― Anthony Bourdain, A Cook's Tour: Global Adventures in Extreme Cuisines 

 

“So much the worse for those who fear wine, for it is because they have some bad thoughts which they are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts.”

― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo 

 

“it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance”

― William Shakespeare, Macbeth 

 

“If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.”

― Craig Ferguson

 

“I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.”

― Mark Twain

 

“It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?”

― Amy Neftzger

 

“The stains could be seen only in the sunlight, so Ruth was never really aware of them until later, when she would stop at an outdoor cafe for a cup of coffee, and look down at her skirt and see the dark traces of spilled vodka or whiskey. The alcohol had the effect of making the black cloth blacker. This amused her; she had noted in her journal: 'booze affects material as it does people'.”

― Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones 

 

“I mean, you know how it is. You chase a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of Jack Daniel's and life's never the same, no matter how many times you try to tell people it was just an accident.”

― Courtney Summers, Cracked Up to Be 

 

“Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.”

― Warren Ellis

 

“Always remember, that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

― Winston Churchill

 

“There is no such joy in the tavern as upon the road thereto.”

― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West 

 

“I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.”

― William Shakespeare, Othello 

 

“There was a tacit understanding between them that 'liquor helped'; growing more miserable with every glass one hoped for the moment of relief.”

― Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter 

 

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.”

― Mitch Ratcliffe

 

“Drinking just to get drunk is like having sex just to get pregnant."

― Robert Hess

 

“I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.”

― Robert E. Lee

 

“A wink and a smirk walk into a bar, and the bartender asked them what they were drinking, when all of the sudden a mustache in a cowboy hat riding a vagina runs through the door, and right there I have to stop the joke, because not only does it not have a punch line, but that punch line was kidnapped, and if it’s ever found, it will probably be rated Not Safe For Work. 
”

― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

 

“I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.
”

― Jarod Kintz, So many chairs, and no time to sit 

 

“Hitch: making rules about drinking can be the sign of an alcoholic,' as Martin Amis once teasingly said to me. (Adorno would have savored that, as well.) Of course, watching the clock for the start-time is probably a bad sign, but here are some simple pieces of advice for the young. Don't drink on an empty stomach: the main point of the refreshment is the enhancement of food. Don't drink if you have the blues: it's a junk cure. Drink when you are in a good mood. Cheap booze is a false economy. It's not true that you shouldn't drink alone: these can be the happiest glasses you ever drain. Hangovers are another bad sign, and you should not expect to be believed if you take refuge in saying you can't properly remember last night. (If you really don't remember, that's an even worse sign.) Avoid all narcotics: these make you more boring rather than less and are not designed—as are the grape and the grain—to enliven company. Be careful about up-grading too far to single malt Scotch: when you are voyaging in rough countries it won't be easily available. Never even think about driving a car if you have taken a drop. It's much worse to see a woman drunk than a man: I don't know quite why this is true but it just is. Don't ever be responsible for it.”

― Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir 

 

“It comes in pints?”

― Peter Jackson

 

“That is the remarkable thing about drinking: it brings people together so quickly, but between night and morning it sets an interval again of years.”

― Erich Maria Remarque, Three Comrades: A Novel of Germany Between the Wars 

 

“When you quit drinking you stop waiting.”

― Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story 

 

“I like bars just after they open in the evening. When the air inside is still cool and clean and everything is shiny. The first quiet drink of the evening in a quiet bar -- that's wonderful.”

― Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye 

 

“Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.”

― Ray Bradbury, The October Country 

 

“When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.”

― C.S. Forester, The African Queen 

 

“I'm a drinker with writing problems.”

― Brendan Behan

 

“It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.”

― P.G. Wodehouse

 

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”

― W.C. Fields

 

“And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.”

― Augusten Burroughs, Dry 

 

“Love is alcohol.”

― Katherine Applegate

 

“At the time I started in ballet they were dancing 'The Spirit of Champagne' on pointe, in Paris. I thought, 'I don't want to dance the spirit of champagne, I want to drink it!”

― Martha Graham, Blood Memory 

 

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.”

― Lewis Grizzard

 

“The writer walks out of his workroom in a daze. He wants a drink. He needs it. It happens to be a fact that nearly every writer of fiction in the world drinks more whisky than is good for him. He does it to give himself faith hope and courage. A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul and that I am sure is why he does it.”

― Roald Dahl, Boy: Tales of Childhood 

 

“Guilt is also a way for us to express to others that we are a person of good conscience. 'I feel really guilty about getting drunk last night,' we say, when in actual fact we feel no guilt whatsoever or, at least, we could choose to feel no guilt. When people say to me, 'I drank too much last night,' I always reply, 'I drank exactly the right amount.”

― Tom Hodgkinson, The Freedom Manifesto 

 

“Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.”

― Dudley Moore

 

“If you see the dragon fly,

best you drink the flagon dry.”

― Greg Hamerton, Second Sight 

 

“I think piracy is a bit like drinking. You want to stay out all night doing it, you pay the price the next day.”

― Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies 

 

“They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.”

― Casey Stengel

 

“And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.”

― A.E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad 

 

“Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking.

'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.'

'Why not?'

'I guess I'm not in the mood?'

'Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.'

'No, really, I'm OK.'

'Just taste it.'

'Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.'

'Then how about half a glass?”

― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames 

 

“Glasses are for people that sips instead of drinks.”

― Kai Starr, Three Ways from Sunday: A Desperado Novel 

 

“Janx Spirit : Janx Spirit is a rather potent alcoholic beverage, and is used heavily in drinking games that are played in the hyperspace ports that serve the madranite mining belts in the star system of Orion Beta. The game is not unlike the Earth game called Indian Wrestling, and is played like this: Two contestants sit at either side of a table, with a glass in front of each of them. Between them would be placed a bottle of Janx Spirit — as immortalized in that ancient Orion mining song :

“Oh don’t give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit

No, don’t you give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit

For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die

Won’t you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit”

Each of the two contestants would then concentrate their will on the bottle and attempt to tip it and pour spirit into the glass of his opponent – who would then have to drink it. The bottle would then be refilled. The game would be played again. And again. Once you started to lose you would probably keep losing, because one of the effects of Janx spirit is to depress telepsychic power. As soon as a predetermined quantity had been consumed, the final loser would have to perform a forfeit, which was usually obscenely biological.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 

 

“I will never, ever drink whiskey again. From now on, it's strictly sherry.”

― Libba Bray, A Great and Terrible Beauty 

 

“Rumor had it that he was homosexual; in reality, in recent years, he was simply a garden-variety alcoholic.”

― Michel Houellebecq, The Elementary Particles 

 

“Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.”

― Eugene Mirman, The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life

 

“An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.”

― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms 

 

“To a drinker the sensation is real and pure and akin to something spiritual: you seek; in the bottle, you find.”

― Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story 

 

“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

“Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.”

― Criss Jami

 

“Don't drink too much.

Horace

 

“Now is the time to drink!”

― Horace

 

“Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion.

Brandon Sanderson

 

“I was a fool, alone, preparing to do what every fool did at such times—I was going to a bar to drink myself smart.”

― Genna Rulon, Only For You 

 

“I don't drink to make others look better, I just drink to make myself feel prettier.”

― Brooke Bida

 

“Sleep is like a cat: It only comes to you if you ignore it. I drank more and continued my mantra. 'Stop thinking', swig, 'empty your head', swig, 'now, seriously empty your head'.”

― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl 

 

“I'm more than a few neurons shy of a synapse right now, and it feels absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.”

― Nenia Campbell, Wishing Stars: Space Opera Fairytales 

 

“He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn't going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.”

― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay 

 

“They were drinking, laughing and dancing, but I was sitting alone in the corner and talking to your soul.”

― M.F. Moonzajer, A moment with God ; Poetry 

 

“Champagne and Benzedrine! Never again.”

― Ian Fleming, Moonraker 

 

“I went out and had a drink. I needed to talk to someone, and solitary drinkers are lucky in this regard— they always have someone to talk to.”

― Daniel Quinn, Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit 

 

“New Rule: The Napa Valley is Disneyland for alcoholics. Be honest, you're not visiting wineries in four days because you're an oenophile, you're doing it because you're a drunk. It's the only place in America where you can pass out in a stranger's house and it's okay, because it's a B&B and you paid for it.”

― Bill Maher, The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass 

 

“Let’s just say that once the party was over, the Tribe had the decency to put most of the things back into place with the possible, and otherwise notable, exception of the platypus and a moronic drinking game that later evolved into the imperial measurement system.”

― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings 

 

“He finished his drink. 'I don’t like mornings either,' he said. “That’s why I’m a writer.”

― Dorothy B. Hughes, In a Lonely Place 

 

“It's nice to watch television but it's even nicer when you've got a drink in your hand,' Gregory Ratcliffe, a Birmingham shopkeeper, told Reynolds News. 'Makes it more intimate somehow. Gives you the feeling that you're in a posh cabaret.”

― David Kynaston, Modernity Britain: Opening the Box, 1957-1959 

 

“To have touched the feet of Christ is no excuse for mistakes in punctuation.

If a man writes well only when he's drunk, then I'll tell him: Get drunk. And if he says that it's bad for his liver, I'll answer: What's your liver? A dead thing that lives while you live, whereas the poems you write live without while.”

― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet 

 

“The one plentiful herds of magazine writers would continue to be culled - by the Internet, by the recession, by the American public, who would rather watch TV or play video games or electronically inform friends that, like, 'rain sucks!' But there's no app for a bourbon buzz on a warm day in a cool, dark bar. The world will always want a drink.”

― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl 

 

“He only drinks when he gets depressed,' said Carrot.

'Why does he get depressed?'

'Sometimes it's because he hasn't had a drink.”

― Terry Pratchett

 

“Nothing is more fun than fucking and drinking, I don’t know what is your God offering in heaven.”

― M.F. Moonzajer

 

“We named the bar The Bar. People will think we're ironic instead of creatively bankrupt," my sister reasoned.

Gillian Flynn

 

“I think piracy is a bit like drinking. You want to stay out all night doing it, you pay the price the next day.”

― Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies 

 

“They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.”

― Casey Stengel

 

“And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.”

― A.E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad 

 

“Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking.

'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.'

'Why not?'

'I guess I'm not in the mood?'

'Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.'

'No, really, I'm OK.'

'Just taste it.'

'Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.'

'Then how about half a glass?”

― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames 

 

“Glasses are for people that sips instead of drinks.”

― Kai Starr, Three Ways from Sunday: A Desperado Novel 

 

“Janx Spirit : Janx Spirit is a rather potent alcoholic beverage, and is used heavily in drinking games that are played in the hyperspace ports that serve the madranite mining belts in the star system of Orion Beta. The game is not unlike the Earth game called Indian Wrestling, and is played like this: Two contestants sit at either side of a table, with a glass in front of each of them. Between them would be placed a bottle of Janx Spirit — as immortalized in that ancient Orion mining song :

“Oh don’t give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit

No, don’t you give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit

For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die

Won’t you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit”

Each of the two contestants would then concentrate their will on the bottle and attempt to tip it and pour spirit into the glass of his opponent – who would then have to drink it. The bottle would then be refilled. The game would be played again. And again. Once you started to lose you would probably keep losing, because one of the effects of Janx spirit is to depress telepsychic power. As soon as a predetermined quantity had been consumed, the final loser would have to perform a forfeit, which was usually obscenely biological.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 

 

“I will never, ever drink whiskey again. From now on, it's strictly sherry.”

― Libba Bray, A Great and Terrible Beauty 

 

“Rumor had it that he was homosexual; in reality, in recent years, he was simply a garden-variety alcoholic.”

― Michel Houellebecq, The Elementary Particles 

 

“Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.”

― Eugene Mirman, The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life

 

“An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.”

― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms 

 

“To a drinker the sensation is real and pure and akin to something spiritual: you seek; in the bottle, you find.”

― Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story 

 

“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

“Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.”

― Criss Jami

 

“Don't drink too much.

“If you want to keep your dignity intact, stay away from tequila.”

― Alida Nugent, Don't Worry, It Gets Worse: One Twentysomething's (Mostly Failed) Attempts at Adulthood 

 

“There was a kindliness about intoxication - there was that indescribable gloss and glamour it gave, like the memories of ephemeral and faded evenings.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned 

 

“I needed a vacation. I needed 5 women. I needed to get the wax out of my ears. My car needed an oil change. I'd failed to file my damned income tax. One of the stems had broken off of my reading glasses. There were ants in my apartment. I needed to get my teeth cleaned. My shoes were run down at the heels. I had insomnia. My auto insurance had expired. I cut myself every time i shaved. I hadn't laughed in 6 years. I tended to worry when there was nothing to worry about. And when there was something to worry about, i got drunk.”

― Charles Bukowski, Pulp 

 

“empty whiskey bottles strewn about like forgotten failures”

― Michael Coorlim, A Gentlewoman's Chronicles 

 

“You speak of my drinking, yet you don't know my thirst”

― Scottish Proverb

 

“So he was always in the town at one place or another, drinking, knocking about with the men he knew. It really wearied him. He talked to barmaids, to almost any woman, but there was that dark, strained look in his eyes, as if he were hunting something.

Everything seemed so different, so unreal. There seemed no reason why people should go along the street, and houses pile up in the daylight. There seemed no reason why these things should occupy the space, instead of leaving it empty. His friends talked to him: he heard the sounds, and he answered. But why there should be the noise of speech he could not understand.”

― D.H. Lawrence, Sons and Lovers  

 

“The fruit of youth or of the grape, the transitory magic of the brief passage from darkness to darkness - the old illusion that truth and beauty were in some way entwined.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned 

 

“Parents drinking is the reason you came into the world, and if we didn't keep doing it then, by God, it would be the reason you went back out of it.”

― Caitlin Moran, Moranthology 

 

“Lead's erasing then vanishing

Banished from whatever it is they're drinking and it's cleaned

Running from the pitcher as if it's her fantasy”

― Criss Jami

 

“The whiskey kicked like a mugger.”

― Ken Bruen, Blitz 

 

“A drinker does not exist. Whatever they say, it is just the drink talking”

― Anne Enright, The Gathering 

 

“you never know u r drunk until u wake up with a dickhead in the morning.”

― vish patil

 

“And yes, the Hemingways, the Fitzgeralds, the Faulkners and the Capotes. Drank while writing. Drink next to the typewriter. But the longer I lived in Brooklyn, the more writers I met, and I guess I was just too drunk to put it together before but now I realized about half of them were sober. So you could be a writer and be sober. Very interesting”

― Jeanne Darst, Fiction Ruined My Family 

 

“I began drinking because the thought that I was drinking gave me a kind of identity: each time I poured myself a brandy in the deserted afternoon I could say to myself 'I am a woman who drinks.”

― Penelope Mortimer, The Pumpkin Eater 

 

“I mean, that's at least in part why I ingested chemical waste - it was a kind of desire to abbreviate myself. To present the CliffNotes of the emotional me, as opposed to the twelve-column read.

I used to refer to my drug use as putting the monster in the box. I wanted to be less, so I took more - simple as that. Anyway, I eventually decided that the reason Dr. Stone had told me I was hypomanic was that he wanted to put me on medication instead of actually treating me. So I did the only rational thing I could do in the face of such as insult - I stopped talking to Stone, flew back to New York, and married Paul Simon a week later.”

― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking 

 

“... drink levels all mankind. It is the ultimate democrat”

― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals 

 

“The poor spend all their free time drinking. It helps cope with the terrible drudgery of obtaining food stamps. An ethic of alcoholism prevails among the upper class too, but they use leisure to deal with it.”

― Bauvard, The Prince Of Plungers 

 

“He pulled his hand back, aware now that sweat beaded on his forehead and that Rale watched him, his eyes dark, intense. Errol licked his lips. Did he want a drink? He hadn't gone more than two days in a row without a drink since he was...since...Warrel...the quarry...stone.”

― Patrick W. Carr, A Cast of Stones 

 

“A sober heart conceals, what a drunken mouth reveals, or in your case, a drunken body and lips.”

― Taryn Plendl, In My Arms 

 

“That was how Sinner got his first taste of anything other than the froth on his father's ale. It made you grimace, but if you drank enough it felt like discovering an entire hidden room in your own house that you'd never even known about. You wanted to do more than poke your head through the doorway. You wanted to take its dimensions.”

― Ned Beauman, Boxer, Beetle 

 

“If my liver cared enough, it would have told me to stop. - Jonathan Jack" McVoy”

 

“There is no night life in Spain. They stay up late but they get up late. That is not night life. That is delaying the day. Night life is when you get up with a hangover in the morning. Night life is when everybody says what the hell and you do not remember who paid the bill. Night life goes round and round and you look at the wall to make it stop. Night life comes out of a bottle and goes into a jar. If you think how much are the drinks it is not night life.”

― Ernest Hemingway, 88 Poems 

 

“I loved the full heat of being drunk, like I was made of melting chocolate and spreading in all directions.”

― Leslie Jamison, The Gin Closet 

 

“the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner”

― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single 

 

“I tried that too, you know. After ... my family was murdered, and I was waiting for justice, I tried to hide inside a bottle. But some men, Tony, [..] are not small enough to fit into a bottle.”

― Aleksandr Voinov, Collateral 

 

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. Never drink when you are wretched without it, or you will be like the grey-faced gin-drinker in the slum; but drink when you would be happy without it, and you will be like the laughing peasant of Italy. Never drink because you need it, for this is rational drinking, and the way to death and hell. But drink because you do not need it, for this is irrational drinking, and the ancient health of the world.”

― G.K. Chesterton

 

“I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver”

― Phil Harris

 

“Was I on a hangover?”

― Miranda Leek, Twisted! 

 

“If I show up on your doorstep don't worry I'm just there to party.”

― Kenny D. Eichenberg

 

“When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing...”

― Hiroko Sakai

 

“Drinking Shirley Temple with my Mary Janes on,

let's say that every possibility waits”

― Lyn Hejinian, My Life 

 

“(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character)

Backpacker: 'What's the drinking age in Australia?'

'eighteen'

'is that enforced'

Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, 'yes, they make us drink”

― Catherine Deveny, The Happiness Show 

 

“The bar . . . is an exercise in solitude. Above all else, it must be quiet, dark, very comfortable - and, contrary to modern mores, no music of any kind, no matter how faint. In sum, there should be no more than a dozen tables, and a client that doesn't like to talk.”

― Luis Buñuel

 

“But in the daytime it was all right. And when you'd had a drink you knew it was the best way to live in the world because anything might happen. I don't know how people live when they know exactly what's going to happen to them each day.”

― Jean Rhys, Voyage in the Dark 

 

“Sex mirrored our drinking; both defined our relationship: selfish, detached, indulgent and satisfying.

B.J. Neblett

 

“In vino veritas.” (In wine there is truth.) – Pliny, the Elder, 23-79 A.D.

 

“In vino veritas, in cervesio Felicitas.” (In wine there is truth, in beer there is happiness.)

 

“…. behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine: a constant proof God loves us and loves to see us happy.”

American Founding Father Benjamin Franklin

 

“Wine is the most civilized thing in the world.”

American author Ernest Hemmingway

 

“Wine is bottled poetry.”

Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson

 

“The Spirit of Wine

Sang in my glass, and I listened

With love to his odorous music,

His flushed and magnificent song.”

British poet William Ernest Henly

 

“Wine makes a symphony of a good meal.”

Fernande Garvin

 

“We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.”

Uruguayan journalist & author Eduardo Galeano

 

“Wine, Madam, is God’s next best gift to man.”

American author & essayist Ambrose Bierce

 

Ambrose Bierce was a rather eclectic figure who disappeared from the American scene in 1913 when he traveled to Mexico, ostensibly to join Pancho Villa’s revolution. His quote is a great way to end the list. I hope you enjoyed it.

 

The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken. ---Homer,The Odyssey, bk. XIV, l. 463

 

No one that has drunk old wine wants new; for he says, The old is nice.""-- Luke 5:39

 

When there is plenty of wine, sorrow and worry take wing. - Ovid, "The Art of Love" (c. A.D. 8)

 

The wine-cup is the little silver well, Where truth, if truth there be, doth dwell. --- William Shakespeare, 1564-1616

 

He who loves not wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long. --Martin Luther, 1777

 

Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is the mother of all virtues. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1771

 

Clearly, the pleasures wines afford are transitory - but so are those of the ballet, or of a musical performance. Wine is inspiring and adds greatly to the joy of living. --- Napoleon, 1769-1821

 

Within the bottle's depths, the wine's soul sang one night. --- Charles Baudelaire, 1821-1867

 

Few things surpass old wine; and they may preach Who please, the more because they preach in vain,…Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, Sermons and soda-water the day after.  --  Lord Byron, English philosopher, poet and bon vivant (1788-1824)

 

Which cheers the sad, revives the old, inspires The young, makes Weariness forget his toil, And Fear her danger; opens a new world When this, the present, palls.  --  Lord Byron, English philosopher, poet and bon vivant (1788-1824)

 

Sweet is old wine in bottles, ale in barrels.   --  Lord Byron, English philosopher, poet and bon vivant (1788-1824)

 

The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.  --  Benjamin Franklin, (1706-1790)

 

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.  --  Benjamin Franklin, (1706-1790)

 

Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance  --  Benjamin Franklin, (1706-1790)

 

Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in water.  --  Benjamin Franklin, (1706-1790)

 

“We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.”  --  Benjamin Franklin, (1706-1790)

 

Wine Comes In At The Mouth

    "Wine comes in at the mouth

    And love comes in at the eye;

    That's all we shall know for truth

    Before we grow old and die.

    I lift the glass to my mouth,

    I look at you, and I sigh."

    -- William Butler Yeats."

 

Now when I buy wine, I look for very different qualities. Is it on sale? Is the spigot on the box non-drip?

 

Anyone who tries to make you believe that he knows all about wines is obviously a fake. -- Leon Adams, The Commonsense Book of Wine

 

“When I find someone I respect writing about an edgy, nervous wine that dithered in the glass, I cringe. When I hear someone I don't respect talking about an austere, unforgiving wine, I turn a bit austere and unforgiving myself. When I come across stuff like that and remember about the figs and bananas, I want to snigger uneasily. You can call a wine red, and dry, and strong, and pleasant. After that, watch out....” --Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking

 

Wine can of their wits the wise beguile, Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile. - Homer, "Odyssey” (9th c. B.C.)

 

“Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.” -- Aristophanes quotes 450-385 BC)

 

No thing more excellent nor more valuable than wine was ever granted mankind by God. -- Plato, 400 BC

 

Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. - Proverbs 31:6-7:

 

With wine in hand, one reaches the happy state - where men are wise, women beautiful; and even one's children begin to look promising. – unknown

 

I think it is a great error to consider a heavy tax on wines as a tax on luxury. On the contrary, it is a tax on the health of our citizens.  --  Thomas Jefferson

 

No nation is drunken where wine is cheap, and none sober where the dearness of wine substitutes ardent spirits as the common beverage.  Wine brightens the life and thinking of anyone.  --  Thomas Jefferson

 

I have lived temperately....I double the doctor's recommendation of a glass and a half of wine each day and even treble it with a friend.  --  Thomas Jefferson

 

By making this wine vine known to the public, I have rendered my country as great a service as if I had enabled it to pay back the national debt  --  Thomas Jefferson

 

Bacchus, we thank who gave us wine

Which warms the blood within our veins;

That nectar is itself divine.

The man who drinks not, yet attains

By godly grace to human rank

Would be an angel if he drank.

Pierre Motin

 

God made only water, but man made wine.

--- Victor Hugo, 1856

 

Wine... the intellectual part of the meal....

Alexandre Dumas

 

I serve your Beaune to my friends, but your Volnay I keep for myself.

Voltaire

 

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good?

Cardinal Richeleu

 

For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet.--- Porthos in the Three Musketeers

 

The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations.

French proverb

 

L'acqua fa male e il vina fa catare -- Italian proverb (Water is bad for you and wine makes you sing.)

 

“I feast on wine and bread, and feasts they are.” -- Michelangelo, 1475-1564)

 

“Wine is sunlight, held together by water.”-- Galileo Galilei, (1564-1642)

 

“And that you may the less marvel at my words, Look at the sun's heat that becomes wine when combine with the juice that flows from the vine.” -- Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

 

Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. – Pope John XXIII

 

“He is a fool who boasts of four things: that he has good wine, a good horse, a handsome wife, and plenty of money”. Italian Proverb

 

My dear girl, there are some things that are just not done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38° Fahrenheit. --- James Bond in Ian Fleming's Goldfinger

 

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? --- Larson E. Whipsnade (W.C. Fields) in You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man 1938

 

This wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don't want to mix emotions up with a wine like that. You lose the taste. --- Count Mippipopolous in The Sun Also Rises, 1926, by Ernest Hemingway

 

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days. --- Cuthbert J. Twillie (W.C. Fields) in My Little Chickadee, 1940

 

…then the streams would run with wine instead of water and the whole forest would give itself up to jollification for weeks on end. ~ C. S. Lewis in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

 

I like to drink wine more than I used to ... Don Corleone. "It's good for you, pop." Michael Corleone – The Godfather

 

“Wine is like people. The wine takes all the influences in life all around it, it absorbs them and it gets its personality." French Kiss (1995) – Luc (Kevin Kline)

 

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

    Silence of the Lambs (1991) – Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins)

 

“I myself subscribe more to the European philosophy of life, my priorities leaning towards wine, women and, well that's about it.” -- Alfie (2004) – Alfie (Jude Law)

 

Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry... [smacks lips] ... passion fruit... ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a,... like a ... nutty Edam cheese... Miles Raymond, Sideways



“I never drink…wine.” -- Dracula (1931) – Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi)



“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.” -- Kathleen Mifsud



“I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.” -- W. C. Fields, 1880-1946)



Due to the heavy wine fog all further thoughts have been temporarily suspended



Wine improves with age, the older I get the better I like it



Like a fine wine I'm not getting older, I'm becoming more complex



I only drink wine on days ending in y"

 

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,

Love and desire and hate:

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:

Out of a misty dream

Our path emerges for a while, then closes

Within a dream. -- Ernest Dowson